I JUST WANNA' GO WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS MY NAME.

All my life I have looked for my own personaL CHEERS. Someplace where I could walk in and have everyone turn their heads and shout in merrimental tones, "Hillal!" Because wherever it is that I decide to call my own I want to be that place's designated Norm. As of 2010, I have narrowed my options down to one of two locals. And I don't like either of them. Feh.
Choice number 1: The 7-11 on Osborn in Pacoima. I only frequent this watering hole, typically only two times a week. Usually on weekends, after I've dropped off my beloved at her house and then make the trek back to mine. When I near this establishment the sudden, violently strong urge to have a slurpee overcomes me. So I stop on Friday, and Saturday, usually at about midnight or so to indulge myself. This past Friday night, my beloved and I were heading to my friend Andrew's house for our monthly Bad Movie Night get together with our friends. Andrew's house has what I would call a smattering of animals, all of which my sweetie is allergic to. So when we left her house she had an allergy pill on hand, but nothing to take it with. So, I stopped at 7-11. At 7:00pm. Behind the register was a familiar face, but I doubted he thought the same about me. Until I heard,
"My friend, you are early tonight!"
"Yeah I am I guess." I responded. That's when he looked at my purchase, which I'm sure threw him completely off gaurd and wondering whether or not he had fallen through the rabbit hole. Because I did indeed have a slurpee in hand. (The cherry mixture wasn't ready yet so I had to settle for blue) and a gatorade for which my love could take her antihistamine.
Nervous and the ludicrousness of what was unfolding before him he quickly looked up at the window towards my truck. There he saw a lovely lady sitting in my truck, when he looked back, his face was panic.
I am by no stretch of the imagination what one would call a "looker". When I'm out with my amazingly beautiful girlfriend, it deffinitely is a Fred/Wilmma or a Homer/Marge scenario. So when my "friend" behind the 7-11 counter turned back, the situation that was probably playing out in his mind was;
"This guy who has clearly kidnapped that poor woman. He's probably spent the better part of 24 hours torturing her with his presence and is now making a gesture of sorts in order to seal the stockholm syndrome he's attempting to put her in by replacing the electrolytes he's robbed her of by providing her a container of cool, refreshing, fruit punch gatorade. The only question now is how quickly can I dial 911 before he murders me and everyone in this store."
But instead of being the hero, he took the coward's way and did nothing. Evil wins again.
Choice number 2: McDonalds on Osborn in Pacoima.
Not necessarily as cool as being known at 7-11. Mostly because the latter is known for serving slurpees, beer, lottery tickets and liquor. The former is mostly well known for catering to children and making people fat. But where McD's might outshine 7-11 is that that they genuinly know my name. Sort of. You see, it's the sort of McDonald's where you have to give your name which they will then shout out at the top of their lungs when your order is up. Now I generally don't visit McDonald's too frequently but sometimes you want some McNuggets to nibble on, or something quick to appease hungry tummies after school. Throw in the fact that I have a hard to pronounce name. Hillal. Doesn't exactly roll off the tounge. It's more what a person says as their choking up a ham sandwich. So instead of giving
them this abortion of a first name, I opt to give them the much easier to pronouce and much phonetically friendly, "Al." Which I think they take delight in shouting. Honestly, how many Al's do you know?
Well in I walk to grab a soda (because I genuinely hate drive-thrus) and as I set foot on their gold brown tiled floor I hear from behind the counter, "Hey! It's Al!" I've decided that if I were to ever apply for THE BIGGEST LOSER" I would have my girlfriend follow me with a video camera into the McDonald's to record the chorus of employees saying my name, and greeting me like I just stepped into Wal-Mart. Then I would turn to the camera and say, "See how much help I need? They know me on a first name basis here at McDonald's. If my name were Al."