You Are Not A Special Snowflake.

"Just because your mom and I think you're special, doesn't mean the rest of the world does. You're going to have to earn that." -ANDREW THOMPSON-
Everyone in this country has embraced the "everyone is special" mentality. Frankly, it's driving me nuts. You see it in the way children are being raised, you see it in the way people treat their fellow man, and now you see it in our Oscar Nominations. (For the record, when it was announced in 2009 that the nominations for Best Picture would be raised from 5 to 10, I was agin it.) Let's examine.
The Best Picture Nominees for 2009 are:
AVATAR

THE BLIND SIDE

DISTRICT 9

AN EDUCATION

THE HURT LOCKER

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

PRECIOUS

A SERIOUS MAN

UP

UP IN THE AIR

Extatic that I am that District 9 was nominated, I'm realistic enough to realize that it is not going to win. The honor of being nominated is destroyed when you allow everyone to play on the team. UP. Are you freaking kidding me?! UP!!!!! Why even have a Best Animated Picture category then? Isn't this the reason why that category was created in the first place? Because animated movies weren't getting their fake shake? And now UP shares the distinction of being the first movie ever to be nominated for Best Picture AND Best Animated Picture. WTF here? Seriously? If an animated movie can be nominated for Best Picture, get rid of the Best Animated Picture category. You have successfully defeated it's purpose. All you're doing is allowing this movie to double dip and have taken away a spot for a movie that might actually have a chance.
Don't misunderstand what I'm saying here. I love both of these films. But if you're going to parade around with the opinion that so many more movies deserve the chance to be nominated, then don't even have nominations. Why bother with all this hoop-la? On Oscar night, just have Penelope Cruz and Martin Scorsese read the name of every movie that came out in 2009. Including GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST and HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE. That's the only way this sort of thinking can be justified. If it's so hard for the Academy to pick only five films that the only solution is to include everybody, then include everybody. How glorious would it be to hear, "These are the nominations. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. Dance Flick. Invictus. Ninja Assassin. A Serious Man. New Moon."

Pain me as it might to say it Grandpa Simpson had it right. When a young Homer doing his impression of JFK to his mom convinced her that Homer could one day be President, what did Abe say?
"Son, this is the greatest country world. Built to keep lunk-heads like from ever becoming President. Quit your daydreaming melon-head."
Now there was a man who knew what was what. The fact is, no. Not just anyone can grow up to become President. That honor has to be worked, earned, and fought for. More or less. The same attitude I have towards movies applies towards kids. Namely, everyone else's kids.

How hard is this discussion to have? "We are going into a show. During the show you are not to jump, to run, to talk, or to sing. The people sitting around us did not pay $92.00 to listen to you. If you get tired or bored just close your eyes and take a nap." Does it help that the show in question is produced by Disney? Probably not. Because for some reason, when people see that Disney name on a product or event some part of their unevolved brain shuts down and a signal that translates into, "This is Disney, I can let my children run around like a pack of heathens straight out of William Golding novel." I saw Mary Poppins at the Ahmanson Theatre in L.A. And while the show (at least I thought so) was very entertaining the children treating my row like their own personal Gymboree were not. Look people, I get if you want to expose your own little treasure trove of wonder to the delight of the theatre. But just because it says Disney on the front doesn't mean your kid is going to like it. In fact, I'd say 95% of the children I saw at this theatre were sour faced, bored, and just plain miserable to be there. Do any of these children even like the movie on whic this is based? Unless the front of the Mary Poppins DVD box said "Starring Miley Cyrus" I'd wager that they couldn't have cared less.
And like I said, just because your tiny wonder knows the lyrics to every Mary Poppins song, doesn't mean I want to listen to her magical voice belt it out. My ticket means I have expressed an interest in hearing the professionals on stage sing this song. Seated next to me was what her mom would call an adorable pixie. To me, she was a soul eating demon from the 7th circle of Hell. Who took great delight in treating her seat like a trampoline, and kicking me, through out the entire first act. So bad was this pinate like treatment that ten minutes into the second act I leaned over and told this ragamuffin, "That if you don't stop kicking me there's going to be a problem." And the kicking, and the flailing stopped. No longer was she jumping like a crazed sugar junkie around a room padded with bouncy jump material. All it took was a stern voice, and someone older than her to politely tell her to knock it off. In five seconds, I had become a better parent to this child than her own mother. Who was busy texting on her Blackberry through the whole show, four seats over. *Forhead Smack*.
What bothered me the most I suppose is that during the show this kid took obscene pleasure in pointing out the wires that hoisted the actors up above and around the stage. Creating the illusion of flight, and gravity defying dancing. I thought it was astounding. But no sooner would the wires fall from the ceiling to be hitched to the actors the tot beside me would shout, "I see the wires. Look there's the wires." Kid, if you're going to go through life pointing out the wires you're going to grow up angry and die alone in a seedy roadside motel clutching a bottle of whiskey and a half eaten pizza lying on the floor.